Virtual Vomit

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Relationships - Tis better to give than to TAKE

First off let me say this, I love my boys.  I love seeing them succeed in every possible way.  I love seeing their faces light up when they talk about a new girl in their life.  I love it when they find contentment in life.  However, I hate it when they become complacent and have no drive to do anything with their lives.  I hate it when they’re lazy and don’t contribute.  But most of all, I hate it when they try to get into a relationship with a girl that’s obviously above and beyond them.  Let’s get this straight first of all, I’m not trying to hate on anyone, but you have to understand that when you see one of your friends try to get into a relationship with a WOMAN, not a girl, a WOMAN, meaning someone that’s independent, successful, mature, responsible, etc., you almost kind of feel for that woman.  Does she really know what’s she’s getting into?

One of my buddy’s and I had a long conversation recently.  What’s a relationship all about?  We both came to the conclusion that a relationship is all about what you have to offer into it, not what you can get out of it.  AS IT SHOULD BE.  No one should go into a relationship thinking of what they can get out of it.  As we talked more and more about the subject we both delved deep into our own souls.  Am I worthy to be in such a giving relationship?  Do I have something to offer instead of just good talks and personality?  Sure those things count, but it doesn’t pay the bills.  I’ll leave that open for now (but yeah, I do…haha).  But the subject changed onto someone else that we know.  For the sake of anonymity, both parties shall remain nameless.  

My buddy said he started talking to a girl.  I was happy for him because I’ve not seen him happy in a while.  However when I came to find out who he was talking to, I just had a “WTF man, are you serious?” moment.  ”Do you even know what this girl does?  She’s way beyond your level.  She’s a WOMAN, not a girl!”  That’s all I could think about in my mind.  How can a person go into a relationship with absolutely nothing to offer, begin to even think about talking to a WOMAN like that?  If I were him, I for one would be embarrassed to even think that I could offer something in that relationship.  It’s sad because it’s like relationships are a priority for some people these days.  No, absolutely not.  If you can’t even take care of yourself, then why bother bringing someone else into the picture?  You’ll only bring them down to your level.  And at a certain point, they’ll lose their drive and their potential and who knows what things they could have accomplished if they had just gotten into the RIGHT relationship.

I’ve always believed in working hard to support yourself.  I’m a firm believer of chivalry.  I believe in picking up the check on a date, opening doors, pulling up chairs, and occasionally treating a girl out spontaneously and unexpectedly.  I’m old-fashioned.  Sure I can be a cheap date sometimes, but at least I know that IF I wanted to, I can treat a girl right.  Like I said, I love my buddy, but if you can’t even afford gas to go on a free/cheap date, or you have to ask your siblings for money, or lie to get away with something, or if you have to make the girl pay for your dates, then there is definitely something wrong there.  It’s embarrassing if you have to make the girl pay, sad really.  I mean, come on, be a man, do the right thing!  You needs ta git a J-O-B, yo!  Women/girls are amazing.  They’ll stick with their man through thick and thin most of the time, but that doesn’t mean you should short-change them.  Of course they’d like to get pampered or treated out every once in a while.  What are you thinking man, really?

Obviously this is just frustration and I feel like I had to get this on paper.  If you haven’t noticed by now I like to get my thoughts on paper, well, a blog post or whatever.  It helps me to remember things.  This has just been bugging me for a while because I feel for the girl.  I really do.  In my buddy’s situation, in his state, he needs a High School type of relationship.  One where it’s just being lazy, broke, and oblivious to responsibilities as an adult.  I really hope the girl realizes this before she gets in too deep.  Better to break it off now than get emotionally involved.

As I said earlier, a relationship is about giving, not receiving.  You always have to ask yourself, what can I give in this relationship?  Not, what can I get out of it?  Your really have to look inside yourself and deem yourself worthy to even begin contemplating a relationship with someone like that.  Are they up to your caliber?  I believe a relationship is about the 10 P’s:

-Provide

-Protect

-Praise

-Positive

-Passionate

-Patient

-Progressive

-Playful

-Polite

-Pray

1. Can your potential mate provide for you?  Do they have a job, or working towards one?

2. Do they have the ability to protect you?

3. Will they give you praise, meaning will they compliment you and give you credit where it’s due?

4. Do they have a positive attitude on life, love, and happiness?

5. Are they passionate about a subject?  Are they driven by something?

6. Are they patient?  Will they be patient through all the good times AND bad times?

7. Do they have a progressive plan in place for their life?

8. Are they playful?  Do they take themselves too seriously?

9. Are they polite and respectful to others?

10. And most importantly, will they pray for you?

Relationships are a delicate thing, one that shouldn’t be taken so lightly.  Like I said in the beginning, I love my boys and I want them to succeed, but if you can’t take care of yourself, please don’t drag a girl into the mix, especially if they’re a WOMAN.  Get things right with yourself first and then consider what you can offer in a relationship.  Because in the end, it’s not the amount of things you got out of it, but the amount of time and energy you put into it, and that is more appreciative than any else.  Love can only be given and received.  It can’t be taken.

Life lessons from an MMA coach 7-24-12

Tonight was another great night of training with my brothers.  It was all about Judo and throws tonight.  But before all that my coach wanted to talk about what happened recently, the news about Colorado and the tragedy that has struck a nation.  He wanted all our opinions about that tragedy.  And while we all came to an agreement that it was horrific, my coach brought up a very important point.  Are we, as human beings, responsible for creating such monsters such as these in society?

My coach said, “If only someone were to reach out to this kid, maybe he wouldn’t have turned out this way.”  It’s very important to realize that we as humans are still responsible for the outcome of others whether we like it or not.  That’s what humanity is.  Because who really knows.  If someone had actually taken the time to talk to this kid or be a friend to him, rather than isolating and pushing him away, maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t have done the things that he did.  All is takes is a helping hand.  ”You never realize the power that one word from a friend can do” said my coach.  It’s true.  Words are a powerful thing.  Actions are even more powerful.

My coach continued and said, “Kindness should be a part of our everyday lives.  We should wake up each morning and perform an act of kindness on others.  Helping a lady across the street is more effective than donating money to a blind cause.  It’s our actions that define us as human beings.”  I believe in all of this.  Kindness to others may have prevented a lot of the horrible things that happened in this world, everything from the Oklahoma city bombing, the Columbine shooting, the Norway killings, the Colorado theater attack, etc.  There is one trend and one thing in common with all these things.  Every attacker was an isolated, lonely, miserable individual.  With proper kindness and maybe just someone to talk and listen to these guys, these tragedies may never have happened in the first place.

I feel for the people of Colorado who lost a brother, a sister, a mother, father, aunt, uncle, cousin, son, daughter.  Things like these should not happen.  No one goes out to have a good time only to think that they’ll die that instant.  It’s not right.  But I think society should learn from this experience.  I truly hope that we as human beings learn to just show kindness to others, because maybe a small gesture or talk from anyone can mean the world to someone else.  So did we create these monsters?  Or are they just a product of our own negligence?  I’ll leave that up to you to answer.